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My readability parser accidentally captured Slate's ad code instead of the article content because the ad code block appears to contain the majority of the characters on-page. Flip side: it is an equally interesting read: gist.github.com/AramZS/9d0c27258d4074561117c59acc57ade3
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True story: every publisher-side ad tech developer has a favorite Event management script or has written their own. I've written 2 and I'm still on the quest for the perfect performant Event manager. One day I hope to defeat that windmill.
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PS: Every developer has at least one holy war and mine is that the best site performance can be found by making everything async and managing dependencies with Custom Events.