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Thread: Disney+ announcement or some shit I made up, or a little of both?...Permalink On twitter.com
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Hulu is making films with the hollow remnants of Fox's film division, including 20th Century which still has the wrong date but joins other Fox expatriates in having 'Fox' striped out.Permalink On twitter.com
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A mini series in which each episode worshipfully follows Tom Brady to the superbowl that will not mention any negatives and will reuse a ton of archival ESPN footage to maximize profit per minute played.Permalink On twitter.com
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Selena Gomez is haunted by two ghostly old dudes who keep asking who she isPermalink On twitter.com
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Elizabeth Holmes and conning America are funny again as Kate McKinnon makes this deeply unlikable character fun again by reprising McKinnon's mad scientist character from Ghostbusters but named Elizabeth Holmes.Permalink On twitter.com
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A 24 hour live stream of Rosario Dawson as she goes between multiple sets, desperately trying to escape the Disney+ compound.Permalink On twitter.com
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More Handmaid's Tale, a show you literally forgot existed until this moment.Permalink On twitter.com
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A remix of all Finn footage from Star Wars into an all new plot: Finn - Disney PlusedPermalink On twitter.com
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Jeff Bridges is a stoned old CIA operative forced to avoid acknowledging any real historical truths about the CIA while just trying to get his wife back.Permalink On twitter.com
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More American Horror Story, but with an S on the end to indicate each season is an anthology so they don't have to pay actors as much because the big stars are there for only one episode.Permalink On twitter.com
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It's The Office! But modern technology and humorless-I mean "bold".Permalink On twitter.com
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A comic book adaptation that you likely haven't heard of from... jeez over a decade ago now I think? But it's a world of all ladies only the protagonist is still a dude! This was very progressive in 2002.Permalink On twitter.com
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Alien: but it's a TV show so all the creepy suspense is gone and it's gonna be an action show.Permalink On twitter.com
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A white Australian dude's retelling of Japanese history told through the eyes of an English boat navigator, from a book originally published in 1975. It's many of our executives' favorite book to mention at dressy parties 40 readers ago.Permalink On twitter.com
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An anthology series where every episode is an adventure with a different beloved droid from the Star Wars universe.Permalink On twitter.com
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A spin off of a throwaway line and single prop from the last successful extant Star Wars property The Mandalorian.Permalink On twitter.com
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A cartoon adaptation that fully brings to life the epic alternate history of Heir to the Empire Haha no you're not getting that you nerd.Permalink On twitter.com
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A spin off from Rogue One of a character whose name you could not remember the minute you stepped out of the original film if I put a gun to your head and also you already know he's dying at the end.Permalink On twitter.com
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Ten hour long episodes where we play a blank screen and you imagine a much better show staring Donnie Yen as the best modern Star Wars character.Permalink On twitter.com
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A lady Jedi!Permalink On twitter.com
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Another 6+ hours of Hayden Christensen playing a deeply unlikable version of a deeply unlikable character no one cares about, now that we know he's a genocidal child killer, interspersed with you screaming at the TV to get back to a perfectly good performance by Ewan McGregor.Permalink On twitter.com
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A dark and gritty spin off of the children's Star Wars TV show Rebels but now they're working for the Empire and... killing Jedi I guess? Grim, just like your kids love.Permalink On twitter.com
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Another Rebels spin off where they explore the backstory of the man who invented the Plasma repeater rifle when your favorite side characters have to hunt him down to save the rebellion.Permalink On twitter.com
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A series of short Star Wars films where they tediously roll back every decision that was even vaguely interesting in The Last Jedi and explore the true meaning of midiclorians(sp? I don't care)Permalink On twitter.com
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Lando Calrissian! You know his name! We're going to do something with him, we don't know what but *yeah* this is here so hopefully you'll forget how we mistreated Finn as a character. Because that's how executives think!Permalink On twitter.com
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Your favorite part is the prequels was all the speeches in the galactic senete so we're doing a show about that! That was your favorite part right? Right?!Permalink On twitter.com
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Wow I totally made up the Droid one earlier as a joke but... Maybe that's a real thing actually?Permalink On twitter.com
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Willow... A thing you know, right, you know Willow? Right? George Lucas did it! You like him right?Permalink On twitter.com
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Red Tails: the show. According to George Lucas it's very progressive! That's what he said when he sold it to us!Permalink On twitter.com
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Harrison Ford returns to convincingly play a mummy... Oh wait, I mean action hero Indiana Jones.Permalink On twitter.com
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5 new Taika Waititi things because his new contract says he's either doing Disney media or Hitler movies and he's all out of Hitler movies! We're trying real hard to grind that creativity and free spirit out of him.Permalink On twitter.com
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A documentary series about Jacques Cousteau, the only man to ever explore the ocean. Ever!Permalink On twitter.com
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NatGeo puts its favorite photos to music from the Disney label collection, we already own all of this so it's pure profit!Permalink On twitter.com
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In exchange for showing up in the Aliens show we forced Sigourney Weaver to sit in a soundbooth and narrate about whales.Permalink On twitter.com
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The Secret Lives of Dung BeatlesPermalink On twitter.com
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We rigged too many gopher animations in the last Indiana Jones film, so they're getting their own show!Permalink On twitter.com
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We've created an elaborate set of excuses so you can watch Chris Hemsworth undress outside.Permalink On twitter.com
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We sent Darren Aronofsky and Will Smith out on a field trip so they could both stop losing us money in films.Permalink On twitter.com
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More Mighty Ducks! They will not at all engage with conversations about children getting concussions while they portray children getting concussions in this... almost 30 year old franchise!Permalink On twitter.com
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Your kids thought you made up Turner & Hooch as a joke, it never really existed they told you. Well you've got them now! We relaunch it with adorable Disney stars! It'll be hot on TikTok in no time!On twitter.com
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John Stamos stars in this sports thing about women empowerment.Permalink On twitter.com
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A mystery comedy TV showPermalink On twitter.com
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"new global content" from the Kardashian Jenners. But not involving Kanye West, at all, we promise.Permalink On twitter.com
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They are actually remaking Hocus Pocus, a film that - - I promise you - - is not as good as you remember.Permalink On twitter.com
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Three Men and a Baby, but now the original baby is one of the men and the new baby is bossy in a legally distinct way from profitable film Boss Baby. And also it won't subtly reinforce gender stereotypes this time we swear.Permalink On twitter.com
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Baby's Day Out 2: a soft reboot with a lovable animal sidekick.Permalink On twitter.com
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A whole bunch of inoffensive real life sports stories lightly fictionalized to sand off the edges.Permalink On twitter.com
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A... Squirrel Girl prequel?! That's what this is right? I mean... Why make a film about a comic loving girl and her super-powered squirrel if it's not about Squirrel Girl? But then... why not call it Squirrel Girl?Permalink On twitter.com
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Cheaper by the Dozen was never good and no one can make it good so apologies in advance to the people at dumped it on.Permalink On twitter.com
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*we dumped it onPermalink On twitter.com
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A high minded adaptation of Grapes of Wrath.Permalink On twitter.com
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Disney squeezing every last drop from Diary of a Wimpy Kid.Permalink On twitter.com
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Ice Age. A Thing that still exists. Throw it on the TV and walk away and your kids will never notice your gone.Permalink On twitter.com
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Night at the Museum's director almost escaped but we're making another one as contractual leverage to keep him in the fold.Permalink On twitter.com
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We didn't make the recent successful Jumanji films, so we're going to poison the well by making another Jumanji sequel with all the identifying marks sanded off.Permalink On twitter.com
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More "Live Action" Lion King. Just what you wanted.Permalink On twitter.com
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A waste of a really good cast on another live action remake, but this time it's The Little Mermaid.Permalink On twitter.com
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What I want now is a stand alone Awkwafina as Scuttle film now though... Seriously. I'm not playing on this one.Permalink On twitter.com
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The one we're gonna win some awards with!Permalink On twitter.com
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More Peter Pan... why not we're live actioning every film in our back catalog.Permalink On twitter.com
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Sister Act 3: Whoopi Goldberg just shook out our wallets because we're desperate and she is worth it. Good for her.Permalink On twitter.com
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Oh my god it just keeps going.Permalink On twitter.com
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Rapunzel+ Brother Bear+ Hercules+ And a dark gritty continuation of Lilo and Stitch where live action versions of these characters must hunt down space criminals to satisfy the price on their head set by the galactic alliance.Permalink On twitter.com
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Now that we've market tested afro futurism we're going all in!Permalink On twitter.com
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Meet a magical family in their magical home with more music from the guy who did Hamilton that you like.Permalink On twitter.com
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The enslaved hyper intelligent dog from totally happy film Up is getting his own spin off, it'll do great on TikTok!Permalink On twitter.com
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We made a deal with the devil and his only requirement was endless Cars movies so here's another one, this one crosses over with Planes.Permalink On twitter.com
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Pixar is remaking the TV show Recess for us.Permalink On twitter.com
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A werewolf movie, but the wolf form is *adorable*!Permalink On twitter.com
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Buzz Lightyear is a toy, but here he is as a young man. Find out his extended backstory, like where he got his wings, when he decided to use lights on his suit, and the traumatic death of his father that inspired him to fly in this new entry in the Toy Story extended universePermalink On twitter.com
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A bunch of Marvel stuff we've been promising for over a year or more.Permalink On twitter.com
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Hopefully our attempts to make you forget that Captain America once accused Loki of being analogous to Hitler and Loki destroying NYC have worked because now he has his own TV show.Permalink On twitter.com
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Ms. Marvel, finally!Permalink On twitter.com
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Ok, I'm going to sleep now.Permalink On twitter.com
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On twitter.com
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It is now canonical that space travel is actively happening simultaneous to the plot of Toy Story and that Buzz Lightyear is based on *ahem* historical records of the Toy Story universe and not a children's cartoon as was previously assumed. ChrisEvans/1337204197641629696Permalink On twitter.com
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